Perfect Flaws and All

It’s just me and my thoughts now,
Drowning in the unending sea of grief
My heart is broken; my eyes are sad
I’m sitting here alone, so awfully hollow I feel
Almost like it’s me that died.

I put on this front, as I don’t want the world to see,
The sorrow and pain so deep inside me
The hurt in my eyes, the pain behind the mask
Every day I put on a smile and fake my strength
I trudge on and pretend to be okay, like is expected of me.

The ache in my soul rips at my gut, my laughs hide my screams
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, too soon for our conversation to end
You brought me so much happiness, with your kind and loving ways
As I look into the heavens with tears in my eyes,
I ask God to take me far away, so I won’t feel this pain again.

To stay with us, you fought so hard
Your face frozen in blissful eternal sleep now
Is the other side treating you well?  I ask myself
My load feels so heavy, I’m not sure I will last
The emptiness within me, has found itself a home.

Too many questions left unanswered, of why you left so soon
Wondering why you couldn’t be a part of my future
Always the same question: Why him? But the answer is untold
So as I sit here and mourn your loss,
I have to keep telling myself that we will meet again.

You never said goodbye, you never said you were leaving
You were gone before I knew it and only God knows why
No one knows the heartache as I try to carry on
I struggle with loss, pain and anxiety
My grief seems to overpower me.

Stress is taking a toll on my life,
Sleep an impossible wish, only wanting to break down and cry
Even though my heart is slowly dying,
I don’t want anyone to see what I try so hard to hide
So I’ll make it through today, until I see you someday.

As you look down from above, you see me full of sorrow
All the pain in my eyes, that’s eating me alive
Peace, rest and comfort, I hope you’ve found
Soon I will be there and I know you will wait
When God calls my name, the chain will link again.

They say I’m sorry for your loss, God knows best,
Time will heal, so they say
I feel the love and comfort in their kind words,
But they fail to realize that I’m not me
I’m a burnt up shell of who I used to be.

If only I had known, I would have said all the things I needed to say
I hope you can hear me and listen to my thoughts
The suffering has ended and you’ve gone home,
To a life of no worries or fear
If you can, save a spot up there for me.