Perfect Flaws and All

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Better things are coming!

Better things are coming!

Every year I have the same goal; to make that year better than the last. This year is no different but beyond that, I have a couple more, the main one being aiming for adventure; living an adventure. This year I want to take risks and live life to the fullest.

Two weeks ago, my boss told me I looked happy, and to be honest, I am happy, I am at peace; in fact, I love life, I love my life. I’m excited for this year! Things aren’t perfect and the beauty of it is that they don’t have to be (or do they?) The Truth is, last year wasn’t a good year for me. Happiness was a foreign concept. I was angry, stressed, confused and I hated life. Everything seemed to go wrong! I could barely keep it together. I became emotional, I cried a lot, I felt hopeless about life and hopeless about myself. I continued to live. Lifelessly.

My energy levels were flagging. I had no interest in doing anything and this affected my performance at work. I alienated myself from the world. My insomnia got worse and I started getting anxiety attacks (that shit is a nightmare!) I spent most of my weekends in the house, hiding from the world. I had become a loner. I did not want to talk to people, I did not want to call nor did I want to receive calls. Sometimes breathing felt like a chore. I was disinterested in everything. I craved to be the girl I once was.

On the positive side, my mum, my friend Stephanie and my boss, David were always consistent in their tendencies towards me. They never stopped checking up on me and making me feel loved. Looking back, I’m grateful for all the support I got from these three beautiful souls. I am realizing how much of a vital part they played in keeping me steady when the rest of my world was falling apart. “Thank you for knowing exactly what to say and when to say it or simply when to say nothing at all!”

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Towards the end of the year, I started to be contemplative of my situation. I knew I needed help. I had let rage and anger take away so much from me that I was a shadow of the shell of the woman I once was. I needed some time away from work just to take care of myself. So, I scheduled my leave for the whole of December.

During my time away from work I did a lot of self-reflection and I was like realizing stuff; I was broken. I did not want to be that girl anymore. It was time for me to clean out my closet! Now, almost two months later, I’m feeling great about myself. I have learned that mental health is as important as physical health and asking for help doesn’t show how weak you are, it shows how strong you are!

This year, among other things, I am determined to be happy in whatever situation I find myself in. I’m opening myself up to new opportunities and experiences. Every day I keep reminding myself that I am meant for great things and an amazing love life very soon. Yes, I’m ready to kick start my dating life again and I’m hella excited about it!

In regards to my work life, I have an idea of what I want to do with my career but I just don’t know how I will get there and for anyone that really knows me, that’s a lot for me to admit. It’s scary and exciting all at the same time. Despite that, I’m determined and focused now more than ever. I will figure this out! For now, I will just enjoy the ride and keep doing things that make me happy. I believe this year is going to be great! I’m headed for a glorious destination and on my way there, I will keep smiling, laugh more and keep an open mind!

Always remember, you only have one life. So, do what makes you happy. Take risks. Get out of your comfort zone. Put your faith in God. Say yes to as many opportunities as possible. Be kind. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Hydrate. Mind your own business and most importantly, love yourself and never give up!

6 comments found

  1. Im happy to see this… Yes i also noticed you were soo gloomy, though you could hide it but body language would never betray…. I couldn’t ask why coz we are not that close, all i used to wish is you have a close friend whom you could share your inner problems, letting it out helps alot… Im glad thats what you did and now you are cool…. Cheers Betty, all the best.

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