Guest blogger post
I used to write a lot. I’m a natural at penning down my thoughts. Sorry used to be -as that’s not the case nowadays. Lately, I have been struggling with that a lot. Not that I have nothing to write about. Ohh, my thoughts are wild and free. They roam and know no boundaries, which I consciously and constantly allow for my own amusement. It’s the indecisiveness on what to say (among the countless thoughts) and how to say it, that gets me stuck. Or the feeling of- I’m probably the only one who thinks this way, or feels this way. But I’m going to push myself and see if I can get to unravel my mind.
See, a while back I used to post a lot on my social media platforms. By a lot I mean, I was online from breakfast to bed time. There was so much information to consume online. So many people to create connections and networks with. My Social media platforms were lit. I remember meeting a lot of people through my networks and it was fun while it lasted. It so happened, I was going through a rough patch in my life, but then my social media life couldn’t reflect that.
I mean, no one wants a party pooper and so I had to cope. Memes and witty posts were my way of getting through life on social media. I was Queen of memes, (I still hold this title but I might not be as active in sharing, but I live for memes). But then this façade didn’t last long, as with it came difficult moments which pushed for questions. I remember feeling so empty on the inside despite having so many networks. I had gotten so lost in my online life, I forgot to build real connections in my actual life. It was time to slow down and re-evaluate a few things internally.
Like any drug addiction, I had to be gradual so that withdrawal effects wouldn’t take a toll on me. I decided to take a month break from posting stuff online. I was partially active. Liking, commenting and basically scrolling for updates on news feed; that was on all my social media platforms. Within no time, that was my way of life as I started paying attention to my surrounding and noticing that I had an empty life. The reality hit me so hard.
Social media is great, but if you are using it to camouflage your fears, and insecurities instead of facing them and embracing what you can, then it can be as dangerous as any self-destructive behavior.
I started having questions. Questions that were difficult to answer and some to which I didn’t like the answers. Was I living my truth? NO. Was I getting used to the idea of being liked as a boost for my self-esteem? YES. Was my social media a contributor in all these? YES.
That first question hit hard and I was determined to start living my truth. Difficult as it was, I resolved to taking on that journey. That was the only thing that was going to fill that part of my soul that was empty. That was the only way to truly live my life satisfactorily. This had to be reflected in all aspects of my life. My spiritual life, my life partner, my friends and any other life choice that I had to make. I was tired of fitting in, being liked, and accepted by other human beings for what I was not.
Before you bite my head off, I am not demonizing social media. In -fact If I was to be active on my SMP again, I’d be a more interesting version of myself than the previous one. But I won’t just yet for other reasons.
Authenticity is probably the easiest yet the most difficult thing to have. It’s easy because we are being asked to be ourselves. Shouldn’t that be a natural thing? To be true to Self. Here is where it gets difficult or complex; it’s mostly not about what you show people, it’s who you are to YOURSELF. Which is where most of us fail coz we are very good at showing who we think we should be and not who we really are. As human beings, we are constantly balancing inner and outer aspects of ourselves to better fit in, to become more successful, or to find love.
Knowing this and wanting to be authentic was, and is the most exciting part of my life. I am on that journey; I constantly remind myself that the biggest favor I can do myself in this life time, is to be myself and to be as genuine. To be more of me and less of them. Them being the people I/ Society thinks or thought I needed to be like. This doesn’t mean not being flawed, neither does it mean not having failures and bad days. What it actually means is being vulnerable, transparent and having integrity. I love quotes, so I’ll drop a few that resonate with my thoughts randomly. Like this specific one “Everybody has their own strength and their own queendom. Mine could never compare to hers, and hers could never compare to mine” – Jill Scott.
I learnt that when you start to look for yourself instead of look at yourself, you look for revelation not reassurance. Reassurance is great, affirmations are good but do you know what’s even better? Being authentic and genuine with yourself. This authenticity is what creates people who are larger than life. How can one single person be larger than life? I mean Life is GRAND, VAST, COMPLEX and MAGNIFICENT to say the least. How then, does one single human being exude so much aura that makes others feel compelled to revere them? Those people are not afraid to be themselves, regardless of how different, weird or queer the society may think they are. They own their individuality. They walk their weirdness and flaunt their queer with so much grace and poise. Most of us don’t take up nearly the amount of space the universe intended for us- but these phenomenal individuals occupy that space and so much more with their glory and Zeal. And it leaves us in awe of who they are and what they do and how they do it.
I am having a difficult moment winding up. So much to share on this topic. But for today that’s it. BE YOU. Be so you, that they want nothing but you, for who you truly are.
Here’s the last quote:
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, day and night, to make you like everybody else, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting” – E.E. Cummings
Hasta la proxima- Adios. 😊