Perfect Flaws and All

Raw, Unfiltered Thoughts
The ‘Other’

The ‘Other’

I haven’t been consistent in my writing this month; maybe because I’ve been so busy with work, friends and family or probably because I didn’t have inspiration or I’ve just become a lazy writer. I can’t seem to figure out the reason behind this.

The last time I met with my friends we discussed about what it feels like to be a side chick and what could possibly drive someone to be that. I’m not here to give uncalled for judgemental relationship advice; just sharing my thoughts. If you are dating a married man or a man who has a girlfriend, you are part of his secret life. Being a mistress or a ‘home wrecker’ is wrong in the eyes of the society but again, people will always judge you for doing what makes you happy whether it’s wrong or right. On the other hand, if he treats you right why would you consider giving it a second thought?

What does it entail to be another woman’s man? what is it about? casual love, casual sex, the adrenaline rush of doing something wrong and getting away with it, power, dominance, control or true love? The painful truth however is he says he wants you but is still sleeping on the same bed with another woman everyday, he loves you and maybe loves her too but he chose to spend the rest of his life with her, and sadly he will not stick around long enough to have coffee with you in the morning.

If the love makes you feel alive then I wouldn’t call this being selfish no matter how wrong it is. But then why does the man do that? cheat on the wife; claim to love two women at the same time causing pain and distress to two good people? What worries me is how the society sets out to make the ‘other woman’ look evil and absolves the man of the infidelity, simply because men are naturally polygamous. Don’t go judging the other woman when you have no idea what she is going through or how she found herself in that situation. Ideally, the other woman needs to be a good listener who’s always there when there is need and doesn’t necessarily have to be as pretty or more beautiful than the wife.

To the woman who has been cheated on, lashing out to the other woman and making your man look like the victim doesn’t solve the problem because he also played a part in getting caught up in the situation; he might have as well created the situation. The departure of the side chick will create a void that he’ll need to fill. I just have one question; if he was able to do it the first time, won’t he be able to do it to you all over again? Think about it. Of utmost importance is to make sure that you get full disclosure for your husband’s behavior and give yourself a time out to take care of yourself.

What is forbidden is desirable, but you shouldn’t fight to get/keep what isn’t yours or never belonged to you in the first place. It isn’t right to cross boundaries and break one’s heart just to make yourself happy. I somehow think that being the other woman is a conscious decision; I might be wrong. However, she is also a human being with reasons for why she decided to become one; justifiable or unjustifiable. I am not saying that we should tolerate and accept the idea of being the other woman. I am simply saying that they also deserve to be respected and treated as human beings.

The norm is, we as the society blame the wife for being inadequate, having lost her beauty or even not doing right by the husband and we blame the other woman for being a seductress who is a homewrecker but never do we blame the man. We make excuses for him that he is in an unhappy marriage instead of blaming him for not staying true to his vows and holding his family together.

To all women out there, “If you can’t do anything about it then let it go. Don’t be a prisoner to things you can’t change” Tony Gaskins.  The wisest decisions are always the hardest; Always choose what is right and best for you because you are the only one responsible for your own happiness.

“Of course another woman could lure, seduce, or proposition all day long but the choice to accept and follow through is still his decision” Anonymous.

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