Perfect Flaws and All

Raw, Unfiltered Thoughts
Loved and lost

Loved and lost

It’s just me and my thoughts now,
Drowning in the unending sea of grief
My heart is broken; my eyes are sad
I’m sitting here alone, so awfully hollow I feel
Almost like it’s me that died.

I put on this front, as I don’t want the world to see,
The sorrow and pain so deep inside me
The hurt in my eyes, the pain behind the mask
Every day I put on a smile and fake my strength
I trudge on and pretend to be okay, like is expected of me.

The ache in my soul rips at my gut, my laughs hide my screams
I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, too soon for our conversation to end
You brought me so much happiness, with your kind and loving ways
As I look into the heavens with tears in my eyes,
I ask God to take me far away, so I won’t feel this pain again.

To stay with us, you fought so hard
Your face frozen in blissful eternal sleep now
Is the other side treating you well?  I ask myself
My load feels so heavy, I’m not sure I will last
The emptiness within me, has found itself a home.

Too many questions left unanswered, of why you left so soon
Wondering why you couldn’t be a part of my future
Always the same question: Why him? But the answer is untold
So as I sit here and mourn your loss,
I have to keep telling myself that we will meet again.

You never said goodbye, you never said you were leaving
You were gone before I knew it and only God knows why
No one knows the heartache as I try to carry on
I struggle with loss, pain and anxiety
My grief seems to overpower me.

Stress is taking a toll on my life,
Sleep an impossible wish, only wanting to break down and cry
Even though my heart is slowly dying,
I don’t want anyone to see what I try so hard to hide
So I’ll make it through today, until I see you someday.

As you look down from above, you see me full of sorrow
All the pain in my eyes, that’s eating me alive
Peace, rest and comfort, I hope you’ve found
Soon I will be there and I know you will wait
When God calls my name, the chain will link again.

They say I’m sorry for your loss, God knows best,
Time will heal, so they say
I feel the love and comfort in their kind words,
But they fail to realize that I’m not me
I’m a burnt up shell of who I used to be.

If only I had known, I would have said all the things I needed to say
I hope you can hear me and listen to my thoughts
The suffering has ended and you’ve gone home,
To a life of no worries or fear
If you can, save a spot up there for me.

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